


The Last Day

by KakeWarlock



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Crying, Eventual Happy Ending, Guns, Multi, Original Character Death(s), School Shootings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KakeWarlock/pseuds/KakeWarlock
Summary: “I guess I’m not the one who shot the school up in the end, Jared”OrIn which some seniors think the last day of high-school should end in a bang. Literally.





	1. ZOE

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus Christ, why am I doing this  
> This is why I can't have good things.

Zoe wasn’t having a great day. Granted that it was the last day of school and she should be happy that she doesn’t have to see these stupid halls for another summer or how she doesn’t have to sit in the same chair in this wretched Ap Biology class. She should be damn happy that her brother got accepted into college and had a future, but she wasn’t.

 

She couldn’t believe it but most of her friends were seniors. She would be sad and lonely without them. She would have no one to eat lunch with or study with. She most definitely would not have Alana.

 

Alana had this class with her. She sat in the front, two rows in front of Zoe, with her nose in a book about US history, that she got from her APUSH ( Advanced Placement United States History) teacher, Mr. Rodriguez. 

 

Evan was also in this class. He sat in the sit behind her reading some book about trees. She turned around and tapped the book. Evan look startled so she thought she must have scared him or he was just that into the book that he ignored reality.

 

“I’m bored,” Zoe complained, pouting and watched as Evan slightly rolled his eyes with a fond smile. Zoe always found Evan smiling more now that he started open up more.

 

“Shh,” he quieted her before the teacher could hear, “We’re s-supposed to b-be reading,” he looked around to make sure no one was looking at them and it was Zoe’s turn to roll her eyes.

 

“It’s the last day of school, Evan. More importantly, it’s your last day in this place, can’t you act more rebellious.” Evan still looked unsure, “I’m sure the teacher doesn’t even care.” she added after a thought.

 

True to her word, the teacher was grading exam papers while secretly texting under her desk. Evan looked around the classroom. Everybody was either on their phones or mumbling quietly to each other. The only ones who were reading was Alana, him, and some random boy who seemed to have fell asleep in the middle of it. Zoe didn’t blame them. It was first period after all. She saw Evan close his book and turn to her again.

 

While they were chatting the teacher called on them, “Zoe and Evan. Since you seem so adamant on breaking the rules of not speaking, you can bring these boxes to the gym.” she glared at them, her glasses glinting from the sharp sun through the window.

 

Evan turned red and Zoe looked at him apologetically. The whole class was laughing at them. They went up to retrieve the boxes and were surprised to realize they were actually very heavy.

 

“Hmmm” the teacher seemed to realize something as well, “There are three boxes. Alana, May you assist them on bringing these equipment to the coaches?” although it was worded like a question, it was nothing less of a demand. 

 

“Yes, ma'am” Alana answered politely, placing a bookmark on the page she was on and standing up abruptly. 

 

She hurriedly crossed the room, only taking a moment to skim over who she was helping to carry the boxes with. She somewhat smiled at Zoe and Evan before lifting the box and trudging out the room.

 

Only too late did Zoe realize she left her phone back in class.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Connor and Jared had gym first period. It was a fact that they seem to have to refresh every day. Maybe it was because they were frenemies and no one else from their friend group was there or the fact that they had to exercise first thing in the morning, Zoe would never know.

 

When they opened the door, it was no surprise that Connor and Jared were in the corner have an argument about something. What was surprising was Maria seemed to be arguing too.

 

Zoe set her box down and sent a Evan a quick ‘wait here, I’ll be back’ sign with her hand and walked towards the bickering trio.

 

“Jar Jar Binks is the best thing Star Wars has ever created, guys!” Jared’s voice sounded. He crossed his arms and pouted, like a child who was told he wasn’t getting what he wanted for Christmas.

 

Maria giggled shyly, noticing Zoe making her was over there, “How about you ask the girl coming our way?”

 

“Nah,” Connor spoke, “She probably came to yell at…” he turned and saw Zoe coming over. He paled slightly ”us” he finished lamely.

 

“Hi Maria,” Zoe’s voice sounded too cheery in her head, “What are you guys doing?”

 

“We should be asking you that, Zoe,” Jared muttered, “Why are you here?” She saw Connor nod his head as if to agree with Jared’s question.  _ That’s a first _ she thought dimly.

 

“It’s rude to answer a question with another one,” she huffed slightly, but her grin threw all animosity out the window. Not that there was much in the first place. “The bio teacher asked us to carry boxes of sports stuff here and we did.”

 

“Us?” Connor asked asked, looking for someone out of the ordinary. His saw a familiar blue polo shirt and grinned slightly, “Evan!” he called.

 

“And Alana!” Jared added, in order to not to upset the straight- A student. She was pretty insecure about herself anyways.

 

The two walked up the ever growing group and greeted Maria. Jared slung his arms around Evan and grinned, “Evan” he leaned forward, “My buddy, my best friend, my f-”

 

“W-what do y-you want, J-jared?” Evan questioned softly, glaring at the boy.

 

Jared got straight to the point, “Jar Jar Binks was an amazing character, right?” 

 

Evan looked between Connor, Maria, and Jared in exasperation before nodding his head at Jared, “Yea,h-he’s kinda g-grown on m-me?” he structured it as more of a question than a confident answer.

 

Jared gave a whoop and turned to the others, “Take that Murphy!” Connor grumbled but their was a smile on his face.

 

Wanting to take a picture, Zoe reached to get out her phone only to realize it wasn’t there. She cursed loudly to herself but Connor heard. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a frown finding it’s way on his face.

 

After Evan had become friends with Connor, the Murphy siblings decided to repair the broken bonds they had with each other, It was a grueling task, and they will never truly trust each other, but they were both fine with what they had at the time being.

 

“I left my phone in Bio. Evan can you get my phone from Biology?” Zoe asked, rummaging through her purse.

 

Evan looked unsure and one of Maria’s friends, Katy, who was star on the track team, heard the conversation and came closer. “Evan and I can do it,” she smiled slightly, “Coach wants me to give her these papers anyway. We can hurry up and snatch your phone really quickly before you leave”

 

Evan nodded slightly at Jared’s unsure look, “I’ll b-be fine, guys. R-really.”

 

With a short wave, Katy and Evan disappeared through the door. They forgot to close it because it slammed shut with a bam!

 

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the door. A boy tried to open it only to come to the conclusion that it was locked. The teens looked at the Coach. He grumbled and got up, “I don’t want to deal with this at 7 in the morning,” he complained.

 

He grabbed the keys from hook and walked slowly towards the door. The door automatically locks when you close it so the only way it can open is if someone opens it from the outside. It was kind of stupid, but it was the only one  that does that in the school so it was bearable. Besides it was the last day of school.

 

As the teacher put the key in the lock, the same boy took the teacher's head and slammed it against the wall, effectively rendering him unconscious.

 

“What the hell is going?” the other coach stood up and started making his way. Another boy, who Zoe knew well, grinned, 

 

“I wouldn’t do that if i were you,” he stalked closer to the coach and the teacher glared at him.

 

“What do you me-” the sudden cock of a gun shut the female teacher up. She looked up and saw a gun pointing straight at her forehead.

 

Zoe was shaking slightly, inching closer to Connor in fear. In fear of what he was going to do to her, in fear of what to  _ them. _

 

“Good,” Travis Williams, the boy with the gun spoke, “Now move over there,” he pointed to the side of the gym where she had placed the boxes a few minutes back.

 

Zoe shuffled her feet to the tune of the other student, tears threatening to leak. She would have never thought that that this would be happening to her.

 

Connor rub circles on her back and spoke softly to her, “It’s okay, Zoe. It’s going to be okay.”

 

Zoe knew Connor didn’t believe in himself but still basked in the sense of euphoria the words gave her. She’ll be okay. It’s fi-

 

“I want all of you to hand me your phone's.” Travis said. nobody moved, fear coursing through their veins. “Now!” another boy yelled.

 

It was only now Zoe realized there were two people next to him. Brian Fellenz and Chandler Higgins. All three of them were seniors and well known around campus for doing illegal shit and being rude to teachers. 

 

But they never went as far as this.  _ Ever. _

 

No one moved, again. Chandler groaned and walked to the end of the line of students in the room. Since first period PE only had about sixteen kids, well eighteen with Alana and her, they were in a line against the wall. 

 

Maria was first. She shakily gave Chandler her phone, eye the gun that was in his hand warily. He grabbed it and threw it in the corner of the room. He moved on.

 

Zoe glanced at who was next to her. Jared. His eyes were wide and his glasses were falling off his face. He drew his knees to his chest and rested his head.

 

Chandler moved closer and closer until he was in front of her. He held out his hand impatiently and Zoe was stuck.

 

She didn’t have her phone on her. She opened her mouth to tell him that but she was scared too find that she was frozen. She must have been standing there shaking like a leaf for a while because Brian shoved something cold against her temple.

 

_ Oh  _ Zoe thought, feeling the metal object bruise her skin. Connor was shouting something at the boy and Zoe wanted him to stop; he could die but she couldn’t move. Everything around her was blurring.

 

She felt someone pull her down and saw Alana. She ran her hand through Zoe’s hair to calm her down. “It’s okay” Alana murmured softly against Zoe as Zoe cried, “I told him you left it in Biology.”

 

Connor was slightly shaken up but he put a hand on her back again. Jared scooted closer to her after giving the man his cell. “Breathe Zoe” he whispered, trying to calm the hysterical girl down and also diffuse all attention given to them.

 

Travis cleared his throat as everyone stared at him, “If i find out any of you lied about not having your phone,” he gave a pointed look at Zoe and continued, “I’ll back sure you get the punishment you deserve.”

 

He gave out a maniacal laugh and Zoe flinched at the volume.

“No one’s coming to save you,” he grinned, “And don’t try to be heroes and save the day because I hate heroes.”

 

Some kid snorted at the comment, like it was funny. Travis heard it and rounded the boy. 

 

“What? Did I say something funny?” He seemed angry but Zoe could never tell, Travis’s emotion usually did a complete 180 degree turn.

 

The boy rolled his eyes and Zoe thought he was really brave for standing up to three armed seniors. Zoe knew the boy was a freshman because he played tenor sax in band.

 

“This is bullshit,” the boy said arrogantly, “Are you doing this for attention or something? It’s not you can actually kill people.”  _ He was taunting Travis  _ Zoe realized in panic.

 

The boy continued, “You’re probably a coward and a fai-” his words were cut off by the bang of a gun.

 

Travis had the gun aimed at the boys head and he panted. The boy slid down the wall, the blood from the bullet in his head staining the wall behind him. The girl next to him ran and threw up in the nearest trash can, his blood on her clothes.

 

Alana fell to the ground in shock as the kids started screaming. He did it. He killed Emery. Travis was shaken up and Zoe quickly figured out that this was the first he had ever killed in his life.

 

And somehow Zoe knew that it wasn’t going to be the last.

 

 


	2. EVAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan fucks up, and saves someone in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well a lot of you guys liked the first chapter so i'm back yay  
> not really.  
> fun fact: on my google docs this story is called, Joke's on you.

It was a quiet walk to the biology room.

 

The only sounds were their shoes crunching against the leaves. Maybe Katy didn’t want to talk to him at all. Maybe she just decided to help him out of pity. Random bad thoughts started formulating in his head, feelings swarming in like bees trying to find honey

 

“So you’re Evan,right?” Katy started warmth shining in her eyes. Evan didn’t notice but halfway through the walk, she had started to skip.

 

“Yea,” was all Evan could say. While he was silently berating himself for his stupid response, Katy stopped him from walking further by blocking his path.

 

He bumped into her and harshly fell to the ground. He heard her murmur a ‘shit’ and ‘sorry’ before she held out her hand for him. Evan slowly took her hand and stood up, dusting his khaki pants.

 

“I’m sorry,” Katy apologized once her more, “You looked...sad” Evan’s eyes widen slightly as she continued, “So I thought talking to you about it would be best.”

 

He nodded his head, following her train of thought. Evan was surprised she would care enough about someone like him to ask him how he was doing but thought against bringing that up. He didn’t want to scare her away.

 

As if she was a mind reader, she said, “My brother has social anxiety too, ya know? So, I thought I could understand to a certain degree what you're going through” she stopped and her eyes flickered to his for a moment before turning to her shoes, “But I guess I don’t know you at all.”

 

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” Evan muttered, wringing his hands together. The clouds were starting to lessen, forcing the sun's greedy rays to shine on everyone.

 

“Hmm?” Katy asked, opening the door to the Science Building, “Did you say something?” she tilted her head back slightly to see him. He felt embarrassed by her staring. It felt like she was staring right through him.

 

“Oh,” he contemplated denying that he said anything but decided on saying anyways, “I, uh, said d-don’t judge a, um, book by i-it’s cover,” he frowned at himself and was surprised when Katy smiled.

 

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” she sighed, both of them stopping in front of the AP BIO room, “It’s such a common theme but can mean a lot. Maybe somebody you never thought would do something did, or maybe someone who would totally do it didn’t”

 

Evan smiled slightly at her speech, “W-we should be g-going in,” Katy laughed sheepishly rubbing a spot behind her neck and softly opened the door.

 

The teacher barely looked up when she saw them. She took one glance at the papers in Katy’s hand and told her to go put it in the back of the room.

 

Katy placed it in the back while Evan secretly grabbed the phone. Well, it was more like Evan frantically looking around, grabbing a phone, and almost dropping it a couple of times.

 

Before they left the room, the teacher spoke up, “Tell coach, the crochet balls I sent him at are its peak condition.”

 

Katy nodded and the two left the classroom. Evan was glad the teacher didn’t notice he had to be in her class. The walk back to the gym was silent, but not awkward, a mutual feeling passing through them.

 

Evan thought about the plans he had after school. His friends and him were going to Alana’s house to celebrate the end of high school. Evan had saved exactly enough money to go to college, with his mother’s help, of course.

 

They made it to the doors of the gym and Katy frowned, “Did we forget to leave it open, Evan? It automatically locked itself.” She seemed troubled and she pressed her ear against the door, struggling to hear something.

 

“It’s s-soundproof,” Evan sounded, holding Zoe’s phone in one hand while running his hand through his hair with the other one, “The gym” he elaborated.

 

Katy’s mouth did an o shape and she grinned, “Sorry, i forgot that. This gym used to have thin walls.”

 

She opened the door and screamed at the top of her lungs in an obnoxious way, “We’re back!” Then she actually took a look at them and froze.

 

Evan felt bile rise up this throat, _oh god_ , he thought. What the hell was going on? The people in the room were huddled in one corner, crying. He could make out Jared’s stupid Alien shirt and saw his friend looking at him with clear fear etched onto his face.

 

Why would he be scared? Only when he heard Katy scream did he notice. Her shaky hands were pointed at the body of some kid slumped against the wall. Evan would have thought he was just sleeping if he didn’t have a puddle of blood surrounding him.

 

“Well, what do we have here,” a boy said. Evan noticed the gun in his hand, and how two others were by him. He noticed how he smirked slightly but he still seemed unsure about something. He noticed how tense they were. He noticed it all. But it felt like he wasn’t there at all.

 

He felt as if he were in a nightmare, and he was paralyzed. He could feel himself shaking though so he knew he wasn’t immobile. He saw Katy in the corner of his eye with a hand covering her mouth. She looked sick.

 

Evan knew something was wrong with him. While he looked shaken up, he felt calm. Like this was the first time his mind felt at ease. Maybe it was the prospect of dying, or he was still in shock, it didn’t matter. He felt okay. Which wasn’t good.

 

It was risky. It meant he was bound to do something he didn’t want to. It meant he was going to try to help someone since he was the only one in the right state of mind. Not really.

The three boys were on the opposite side of the gym but they took quick strides towards them. The main boy had a gun pointed towards them. “If you try any weird shit, i’ll fucking blows your brains out,” he yelled.

 

Instantly, Evan knew he wasn’t joking. He took a quick look at the boy that was shot in the head and gulped. He had to tell somebody about this. He had to run. But what if they hurt someone he knew because of it? How was he going to live with the guilt? Besides, there was no chance he was faster than bullets.

 

His eyes widened and he shot a look at Katy. She was the star of the track team. If anyone could run, it was her. “Run,” he whispered to her quickly, without moving his lips, “I’ll cover you up, just run”

 

He didn’t notice he wasn’t stuttering for once, or the adrenaline coursing through his or how the many sounds of the gym seemed to muffle together to sound like a car crash. Katy looked skeptical and her legs were shaking a lot.

 

He noticed the boys were almost to them. In a sudden panic, he turned and pushed Katy out of the gym screaming, “Run!”

 

Wasting no time to see if she ran or not, Evan ducked and closed the door hurriedly. Two bullets whizzed out and landed where was standing before. He let out a quick sigh only to realize he locked himself in the gym with the shooters. Not out.

 

When he looked up, he saw the three boys circling around him. Now that they were closer, he could see that they were Seniors. Travis, Brian, and Chandler. Although, it seemed like Travis was the leader since he was barking orders left and right.

 

“What the fuck are you waiting for Brian? Go get her!” he reached to open the door and found it locked.

 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Brian muttered looking for the keys. Travis sighed and stopped him,

 

“It’s no use, she probably went too far for use to catch her anyway,” Travis seemed to be in deep thinking, probably wondering how to kill Evan.

 

“The cops are gonna be here any minute, now,” a girl stuttered from the corner. When Travis locked eyes with her, she flinched. He leaned back, satisfied with the fear.

 

“No, they won’t,” he answered, twirling his gun, “They’ll be in here in about twenty minutes” he grinned at the crushed look in her eyes. “That means i can kill one person every minute.”

 

No one bothered to correct him that there was only 19 people he could kill, now that Evan was here.

 

“Now that that’s cleared up,” he paused, anger flashing onto his face, “It’s onto you,” he glared pointedly at Evan.

 

He could see his friends exchange fearful looks, and he tilted his head. He felt, at ease. Like he was floating in the water but his ears were under so everything was roaring but peaceful.

 

“You,” Travis spoke, stalking closer, “You ruined everything with your stupid little ‘i need to save everyone because that’s how i get attention’. Well fuck off!” The gun suddenly seemed like a dangerous object to Evan.

 

Travis let out a groan and rubbed his face, looking way older than he currently was. “Just go over there,” Travis’s defeated voice called out.

 

Evan studied him for a moment and the boy pointed his gun at him, “I said go!” he screamed. Evan scrambled up and walked over to the other side. He felt his anxiety coming back.

 

He located his friend and sat down with them quickly, feeling himself lose his breathe. _Crap_ he thought _This can’t be happening right now_.

 

He felt Connor’s eyes on him, but tried to ignore him. He closed his eyes tears starting to leak. What had he done? He had almost gotten himself killed! But he had saved someone in the process.

 

“Hey Hansen,” a voice in front of him stated, “Give me your phone” he saw Chandler peering down at him, his dark brown eyes staring boredly into him.

 

Evan slowly took the phone out of his pocket and gave it to Chandler. Chandler stared at it for a moment before laughing, “It’s such girly colors Hansen, Always knew you were such a fag.”

 

Evan would’ve let the comment hurt him but he focused on the phone Chandler took. He had taken Zoe’s phone instead of his. He was about to tell the kid about his phone but one look from Zoe shut him up.

 

Connor looked down at him and gave him a grim smile, “Welcome to the party, Hansen”

 

And everything hits Evan at once. The shock wears off and every bit of confidence he has leaves with it until he's just good ol' Evan Hansen.

 

So he does what Evan Hansen does best. He breaks down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. CONNOR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor can think despite being scared out of his shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a fairly short story. No more than 10 chapters and no less than 5.  
> Hope you guys like this story.  
> You should check out my other story (It's not angsty, surprising right?)  
> Anways, read on.

Connor was scared.

 

He hadn’t remembered a time he was this scared. He was supposed to Connor Murphy, the angry senior who's always high. He was supposed to be the school shooter. But instead he was cowering in the corner of the room, praying to whatever god existed that he wanted to live.

 

He didn’t dwell on the fact that he spent most of highschool wishing he was dead, but now he was thrown in this situation he had only read about in books and Wikipedia articles. He never thought anyone had enough guts to pull something like this. Except Travis Williams.

 

He never liked Travis, although the boy used to get high with him, before Connor found friends and he wasn’t trying to seek help. Travis was always impulsive; getting angry at random small comments.

 

He also seemed to be extremely paranoid sometimes, looking around for things that weren’t there; opting for staying by himself and not hanging around anybody. The only break he seemed to have gotten was meeting Brian and Chandler, although he didn’t seem very close to them.

 

 _But that doesn’t matter_ Connor thought, shaking himself out of any sympathy he had for the shooter. He couldn’t be thinking that Travis was justified to be doing this or anything.

 

 _What if it was you up there?_ his consciousness voiced out, _Killing kids without a care._

 

And that was exactly the problem. He couldn’t get over the fact that Travis had been the one to break first. And to go to such lengths to show them something only he knew. Which brought on another question. Why was he doing this?

 

Did he feel a sense of accomplishment, instilling fear in the children sitting in the gym? Did he feel like he was supposed to do this, like everything would be better?

 

Connor Murphy couldn’t understand why a kid like Travis Williams would do this. Not that he cared about other people’s lives but when Travis had killed the kid, Emery Summers as Zoe had identified, he saw the moment of fear flashing in his eyes.

 

Then he saw acceptance. As if Travis had accepted that he had murdered a kid. That there was no backing out. And it made Connor feel this foreign emotion he had never felt in a long time.

 

Fear.

 

So to put it simply, Connor was scared. As was everybody else in the gym. The only one who didn’t seem scared, at least for a moment, was Evan. Sure he was shaking slightly, but his face was calm as he saved a girl's life.

 

He risked his life to save someone else’s. That made Connor angry at himself because he knew he would never be able to do something like that. He’d be too scared. Like he was now. He’d been too scared to do anything when the teacher was hit. He was too scared to rebel when the poor boy died. Most of all, he was too scared to help Zoe when she was frozen in terror with a gun to her head.

 

He didn’t know why his body hadn’t moved when that happened. It wasn’t like he was the one being shot at. No, it wasn’t but it reminded him that any small thing could set them off. And that scare him.

 

Being powerless scared him.

 

The temperature in the gym felt like it drop as Travis prowled around, obviously in an angry mood. Brian was inspecting his gun with newfound interest,  as if he just realized that it was a murder weapon. Chandler was lounging by the door, in case anyone tried to come in again.

 

Evan was curled against Jared, silently crying. Connor didn’t blame him, the stunt he had done earlier had probably came crashing down on him. Zoe didn’t look much better. She was leaning against Connor, softly sniffling into his shirt.

 

He didn’t care if she ruined his shirt with snot or tears, as long as she was alive to do that. Alana stared blankly forward. She didn’t look like she was scared; she just looked impatient. But he was never good at judging others. He didn’t to be anyways closer to Larry by misjudging people.

 

Jared was a totally other case. He clearly held his emotions on his sleeve because Connor took one look at him and noticed he was much better than how he was in the beginning of this mess. Speaking of beginning, Connor didn’t know how much time had passed since he was in here.

 

With the tension growing and the thickness of the room getting on his nerves, it felt like hours had gone by. Before the shooting he knew their was 34 minutes left of class. Someone should have found them in time.

 

As if someone sensed his nervousness or impatient behavior, the lockdown alarm sounded. He heard people look at one another with hope in their eyes. Connor didn’t like hope. It was better to set yourself up for failure than to set yourself for success and not finding there.

 

Travis growled menacingly, making everyone’s eyes shift to him. In addition to the lock down, the office lady had called the gym using intercom. Chandler looked at his boss for a moment and the nod he got was all he needed to press the accept button on the small box.

 

“Hello,” the Indian woman who worked at the desk sounded. Her voice echoed through the gym. “Is anyone there?”

 

No one made a sound until a girl interrupted, “We’re here,miss” she seemed nervous but her voice must have been heard by the desk lady for she let out a hmm sound.

 

Travis whirled in anger at the petite girl and shot a bullet in her direction. Connor’s eyes snapped shut as the sound rang out. He heard Evan sob loudly and Alana’s sharp intake of breath. This time he heard no one screaming so he opened his eyes.

 

The girl was clutching her arm that was stained with red liquid. _Blood_ Connor thought idly, looking away. Zoe took one look at her and buried her head in Connor’s shirt again.

 

“What do you want?” Travis spoke, emotionlessly, staring at the box as if it were a person standing in front of him.

 

A new voice sounded out from the speakers, “Travis, are you there?”. The voice must have surprised Travis because he almost dropped his gun in shock.

 

His eyes softened for a moment before they glared at the box in anger, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

 

The woman didn’t seem fazed by the outburst, “Travis, sweetie, put the gun down. I know you don’t want to do this.”

 

Travis laughed as though he heard something immensely funny, “Yeah, right. I want to do this, _Doctor_ ” he spat out the last word, “and your little bullshit therapy won’t fix that.”

 

The woman was persistent though, “Travis, remember when we went out for ice cream last cream and you told me you were doing better? Remember when you seemed so happy that you were going to a great college?”

 

“Shut up,” Travis mumbled, covering his ears from the poisonous words.

 

“Berkeley, Travis! Do you know how many people dream of going there?” she seemed truly  happy for him.

 

Connor didn’t understand what was going on but Travis seemed like he was in the middle of a breakdown “Travis-” Brian started, grabbing Travis’s shoulder. The boy only shrugged it off.

 

“Come on Travis, you don’t have to do this, we’ll find other was to keep you occupied and-” she was cut off.

 

“I said shut the fuck up!” Travis screamed, voice laced with hysteria. He aimed at the box and shot at it. “You pathetic” one shot “stupid” another shot “ignorant” one more bullet “Piece of shit!” as the last bullet hit the box.

 

No one dared to move in the gym at that moment. Not even Brian and Chandler, who had stood next to him this whole time were too scared to do anything.

 

Travis scouted the room slowly, muttering words to himself, “Jesus. Nobody like me for for me,” he let out harsh laugh, “All this shit about me being broken and shit,” he stopped, eyes locking into the female teacher.

 

Connor watched the exchange quietly. While he wouldn’t have the guts to help the woman when the situation comes to it, he could at least find out Travis’s motives.

 

“You,” he stared at the coach, gun pointing at her head, “My favorite color is blue, what’s yours?”

 

Everyone was watching the scene silently. Connor tried to evaluate what the kid was doing. Why did he just have a mental breakdown from the girl talking to him through the intercom, then ask a teacher what her favorite color was with a gun to her head? Was there a specific answer he was looking for?

 

The teacher stood bravely, nonetheless, and stared at him confusedly, “Mine is purple,” she spoke softly. A shot rang out through the gym and Connor cowered into himself.

 

The teacher was on the ground, eyes open and glazed over, blood gushing out of a hole in the center of her head. He could feel the bile rise in his throat, because in the next moment there was a trash can and he was throwing up his breakfast with tears silently streaming down his throat.

 

When he was done, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and thanked Alana for providing the trash can for him.Travis gives off his signature grin and Connor shakes slightly. It was as if this kid had no sense of reality left.

 

“Dumbass,” Travis whispers although everyone can hear him perfectly, “You were supposed to say blue,” the way he kicks the body send slithers of disgust through Connor.

 

Then Connor makes the connection.

 

Travis said his favorite color was blue, and asked the teacher what hers was. If she doesn’t say the same thing as him, he’ll shoot her. Connor felt himself freeze at the revelation. Either Travis wanted everyone to know how much of a monster he was, or he wanted everyone to follow him. To do everything he did. To be a monster.

 

And Connor feels like laughing, because he’s the closer to being a monster than Travis thinks. He remembers a time where he thought about shooting up the school. After many jokes Jared had said, he felt as if he wanted to walk into school one day and set fire on everyone and watch them suffer.

 

Then he cries, because he remembers how much of a crappy person he really was. He ignores the worried looks Zoe sends him as he cries. He gives up goddamnit. He couldn’t be brave like Evan or nonchalant like Alana. He was just Connor Murphy. World Class Fuck-Up.

 

Only to make matters worse, Travis completely flips his shit at the crying in the room, “SHUT THE FUCK UP,” he screams and it’s louder and more furious than he had ever heard, “If anyone cries I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU.”

 

For a moment, Connor  pictures himself up there, screaming on anger. He sees himself at his house banging on Zoe’s door high, yelling about how he was going to fucking kill her if she didn’t do what he wanted. Connor, then, is able to recognize the emotion he was feeling before.

 

Empathy.

 

Because the only thing separating Travis and Connor was the fact that one had the guts to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something i should make clear is that this is what Connor thinks of himself and of others and might not necessarily be true.  
> I surprisingly got good reviews and thank you for that. I take the time to read every single one.


	4. ALANA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana is not scared of Travis, she is scared of the gun he's holding
> 
> or
> 
> Mommy Hansen to the rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. This story is so edgy i can't even.  
> Heidi is honestly my spirit animal.  
> She is the best.

 

Alana didn’t know what she was supposed to feel.

 

The fact that she of all people didn’t know something was enough to sound red alarms in her head, it didn’t. She just felt angry. And that didn’t seem like a good emotion to feel in a room with three dangerous shooters.

 

But then she felt sad because she can hear Evan and Zoe crying. She can see Connor’s resigned and tired face. Worst of all, she could see Jared’s face. He looked like he had just… given up.

 

This wasn’t the Jared she knew. Well, they were in a situation that can turn anyone’s personality over 180 degrees. But the Jared she knew would make gay jokes at any time deemed inappropriate. The Jared she knew would close himself off from people, too insecure to show his real self. The Jared she knew was a coward but strong in his own way. This was not the Jared she knew.

 

Knowing that, she turned her head back to the shooter. Travis Williams. She didn’t know what to think about him. He was like a mini Connor but with more pent up anger. The only memory she had ever had of talking to Travis was when they were at Katy’s sophomore party.

 

Alana had been sitting in the corner alone at the party scrolling through her phone. Most of the kids were drunk out of their mind, red solo cups strewn across the floor. Alana frowned in distaste as she took in the scenery.

 

“Hey,” a voice behind her called, “You’re Alana right?” the boy appeared in front of her, obviously drunk out of his mind.

 

“Yes,” she replied, a little too pensive, “You know me?” she seemed hopeful, most people tend to forget she existed.

 

“Yes,” he mocked, hiccuping, “ You’re the stuck-up no fun class president,” he gave her a toothy grin.

 

She frowned at him and slowly pieced things together, “You’re Travis, then? The boy who gets high and takes his anger out on lockers and teachers.” It was his turn to frown.

 

“That’s a shitty thing to be known for,” he paused and gulped more alcohol down, “Like ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover, ya know?”

 

“I know,” she spoke a little too seriously.. She didn’t know if she was taking advantage of the fact that Travis was an honest  drunk or not, but she wasn’t letting this opportunity pass by. “People judge me before I open my mouth.”

 

He stared at her for a moment, “It’s because you’re a very scary person. You're like an adult. Ew.” he seemed disgusted at the notion.

 

“What are you,” Alana started, smirking slightly, “Peter Pan?” she didn’t notice his eyes darken at the thought.

 

“I wish I was,” he suddenly spoke, “so I can fly away from my problems. So these adults could lay off my back with all the mistakes I make. I’m not perfect,” he hiccuped again, “Oh shit sorry, I’m just boring you, aren’t I?”

 

Alana shook her head, “I’m Alana Beck. I’m the definition of boring,” she said, smiling slightly.

 

Travis fake gasped, “There it is. I didn’t know you were capable of smiling.” he looked down, only to find his cup empty, “Shit, it’s empty,”

 

Travis stood up and swayed slightly, “It’s nice to talk to you. You’re not as scary as people make you out to be, Travis.” he smiled at her praise of him and scratched the back of his neck.

 

“Maybe,” he grinned at her and held out his hand, “Uh, see you later, i guess?” he asked.

 

She took his hand and shook it, “I guess I will then.”

 

Sadly that was the only time she had talked to him, and from then on they ignored each other in the halls.

 

She brought herself out of her flashback and was relieved that the trip to the past she took was relaxing and made her forget about her worries for a moment.

 

That memory was two years ago. Who would’ve known if Travis had changed at all? But something about the boy made Alana think that he hadn’t changed, it’s just the people around him have.

 

And then she stares at the dead bodies of her classmates and it’s back to square one. Two dead and one injured. That was a normal number for school shootings. The police usually would’ve caught them by now.But they're not here.

She had always read about how flawed American Police were, as they usually take thirty minutes to come to the scene of the crime which is stupid because thirty minutes is a hella of alot of time to do whatever you want.

 

Evan nudged her arm as she slowly turned to him, trying not to bring attention to herself. She looked down and almost gasped. In his hands were his phone. She quickly looked at the pile of phones and saw Zoe’s among them.

 

 _Smart_ Alana praised. She quietly took the phone and nodded. After Evan showed her the password, she put her knees to her chest, pretending to cry. Her heart thumped loudly in fear, feeling her eardrums with something other than crying.

 

She put the brightness of the phone at zero and looked through Evan’s contact. _Aha_ Alana thought, glancing at the contact, **Mommy Hansen**.

 

Trying not to laugh, she clicked her contact and pressed the text option. At that moment she stopped and looked up, hoping she didn’t look down for so long it seemed suspicious. Seeing no one glance her way, probably too occupied with their own problems, she looked back down.

 

Alana noticed that her hands were shaking, in excitement or fear, she didn’t know. She shakily typed a text to Heidi, Evan’s mom.

 

 **Me:** _This is alana beck evan’s friend._

 

She didn’t bother with sentence structure or punctuation for once, just typing as fast as she could. After a few seconds, a reply came.

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _alana i heard the news._

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _Is evan ok? Is he in the gym with them i think he has bio rn_

 

 **Me:** _zoe, connor, evan, jared, and me are in the gym. evans ok_

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _keep texting. Im heading to the police department rn tell me everything_

 

 **Me:** _Three shooters. All seniors two dead. Both bullets in head. One teacher unconscious. A girl shot in arm_

 

 **Me:** _Gotta hurry, they're coming closer_

 

 **Me:** _travis williams chandler higgins brian fellenz the shooters one by the gym doors all armed travis has less bullets rest have full ammo probs_

 

 **Me:** _shit_

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _alana… whats wrong_

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _alana whats going on_

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _alana?_

 

 **Me:** _helpfjgbdrjhgber_

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _Shit we’re almost here ok_

 

Travis had walked right past her. She didn’t know where to be scared or relieved. Relieved that he didn’t stop and kill her and scared because there had to be a reason he suddenly decided to monitor her side of the room.

 

“Travis,” Chandler whispered, “13 minutes have passed.” he pointed to his watch to prove his statement. “Are we gonna run yet?”

 

Travis shook his head, “A little more,” he muttered staring intently at the group of ‘victims’ he had. He locked eyes with Maria and smirked.

 

With his gun pointed at her stomach, he motioned her up here. She stood up with hesitant step. When she was close enough, he grabbed her arm roughly pushing her to be exactly in front of him.

 

“Watch closely,” he spoke, eyes flickering over the group huddled together. He looked back at the shaking girl in front of him. Alana could feel her fear from here.

 

“I hate sports, how about you?” he asked, eyes boring into her. Maria stuttered and winced, collecting herself,

 

“I don’t particularly like sports either,” she spoke, now looking him in the eyes. He sighed in boredom,

 

“It wasn’t worded correctly but you did get it right” he spoke to himself.” you don’t deserve to die” Alana let out a sigh of relief.

 

Her happiness was short-lived as a gunshot sounded. She watched in gruesome fascination as Maria let out a scream, clutching the side of her hips. She fell to the ground writhing in pain, the bullet only grazed her waist.

 

Zoe stood up tentatively, ignoring the “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” from Connor, and slowly walked over to Maria. Almost tripping over herself many times, she dropped in front of Maria.

 

“What are you doing?” Travis asked, gun at her temple for the second time that day. Alana felt bad but she opened the phone to text again, trying to ignore her friend’s possibility in dying. It turned. out she didn’t need to because Connor was making his was over to them, Shaking like a leave.

 

 **Me:** _a bullet grazed another girls hips all wounds were made by travis has black hair wavy hair green eyes 5’9 at least._

 

 **Mommy Hansen:** _Thank you, ten more min and we’ll be here the police is already doing research on suspects_

 

After she got the reply, she looked up and saw Zoe and Connor shuffling a first aid kid to Maria while Travis was watching them carefully. _Must be a lot of pressure,_ Alana thought shuffling her feet. _Only ten minutes, Alana you can live through 600 seconds, right?_

 

Travis looked like he had a wonderful (very much sarcasm) idea. He stood up and looked through the crowd again. “Since that failed,” he spoke, looking at the siblings taking care of the chubby girl in distaste, “I’ll have to choose another one.”

 

His eyes locked with hers and he slowly aimed his gun at her. Alana felt herself go still. She still had the phone in her lap. She wouldn’t be able to hide it time. She prayed to any god that he wouldn’t choose her. But to no avail as he motioned for her to stand.

 

As she gave up and went to stand, Travis’s eyes went wide as if he remembered something. He turned his head from her, “Not you,” he spoke loudly for everyone to here. Evan sent her a weird look that she ignored.

 

“I should pick a guy. I’ve targeted too many girls. They might think i’m sexist” Travis rambled under his breathe. She turned to Evan and hurriedly shoved the phone into his hand and nodded her head, hopefully conveying the message to him.

 

“Found one!” Travis seemed to have found his next target. Alana tried to follow his line of sight but there were so many people in one spot that it was difficult. She only knew who it was too late.

 

Travis pointed his gun to the person next to Alana.

 

Travis had his gun pointed at Jared.

 

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness, Travis is such a hard character to write.  
> You can probably guess which character is next.  
> lol


	5. JARED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is Jewish and proud, and Connor can't open a fucking box.
> 
> or
> 
> Shit hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddammit, This chapter makes me wanna cry. Not really. I'm evil.  
> Jared is one of my favorite people in DEH so im gonna make him go through a lot.

Jared regretted being an asshole. If his actions could break someone to the point of doing  _ this,  _ then it must be bad, right? While he had never bullied Travis and his friends, he felt himself trip over guilt.

 

_ People are dead because of people like you thinking that fucking around with kid’s brains would help your own insecurity. _

 

“No,” Jared mumbled to himself, “No no no”

 

_ Let’s face it: None of this would’ve ever happened if you did exist. _

 

He blocked his ears rocking back and forth

 

_ What a fuck-up, How will you face your friends after this? _

 

He didn’t know what wrong with him. Even Evan looked way better than him. Mentally, of course.

 

Head swimming in negativity, he didn’t know which was worse. Drowning in his tears or his thoughts. Sure, he’d have some thoughts sometimes that would be small stupid remarks against himself, as if his brain loved him too much to insult him. But during this ‘event’, as he would call it, his brain just twisted, turning Jared against himself.

 

He felt bad now for making fun of Evan’s problems. If Evan had felt like this everyday, and Jared had ignored that…. He truly was a bad friend. And to top off everything Travis had his gun pointed at him. That wasn’t helping his sudden anxiety.

 

Everything felt too fast. Like he was on a roller coaster but everyone else was watching him, judging him. If he seemed scared, they would mock him. Make fun of him. But Jared hated roller coasters.

 

Unlike everybody else who stood in front of Travis, Jared was the only who could see the faces of everyone in the gym. Usually, the “victim” would have their back to the audience, but this time Travis’s back was to the people.

 

Jared didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. A small part of him hoped that anyone- _ anyone _ would stand up to Travis while he wasn’t looking. Although everybody seemed to afraid. 

 

He locked eyes with Alana for a moment and saw hope shining through her irises. She mouthed something to him but he couldn’t make out what it said. Cold metal met his forehead and he panicked, all thought process disappearing from his mind.

 

All that he could make out was the gun to his head.

 

_ “A man was found in an alleyway, south of Kay’s Jewellery store. Officials say he was shot in the head three time. Until now, nobody has found mo-” _

 

_ A hand reached towards the remote and muted the TV.  _

 

_ “Evan!” Jared whined “I wanted to hear what they were saying.” _

 

_ Evan snorted, “You and your weird detective fantasies,” he shook his head. _

 

_ Jared feigned mock hurt, “Weird? I’m not weird.” _

 

_ A new voice from the kitchen called out, “You’re the definition of weird, Kleinman.” _

 

_ “Oh shut up, Murphy!” _

 

_ A flick to his head was what he got as an response. He looked up and saw Zoe glaring down at him, “Please specify which Murphy next time,” she walked towards the kitchen and stopped for a moment, “Kleinman.” _

 

_ Jared groaned and Evan laughed slightly. _

 

_ Suddenly, the atmosphere grew dim as Evan trembled slightly. Jared glanced at Evan in worry. _

_ “What if i die like him?” Evan’s quivering voice said. _

 

_ Jared looked at the picture of the dead man on the news, with holes in his head and grimaced, “Then you die like him” Jared finally answered. _

 

_ Evans eyes widened and Jared continued, “But that doesn’t mean you just die. You go down fighting.” _

 

_ Evan looked confused, “What do you mean?” _

 

_ Jared sighed, “The man who died,” Jared pointed at the screen on the T.V., “His nails had the killer’s DNA under them, which means he must have fought back to a certain level. His knuckles are also bruised and riddled with the blood of the UNSUB, probably by fighting back. Which means that if you die like him, you died fighting for your life.” _

 

_ Evan stared at him for a moment, “Thank you,” he whispered quietly, “You’re a surprisingly good detective,” _

 

_ Jared smiled and leaned on Evan, “I’m the Sherlock to your Waston,” _

 

Remembering what he told Evan a few months ago calmed him a bit. A bit. He was still shaking like a washing machine full of shoes. So a lot. 

 

Travis looked at the watch in front of him in agitation. “Seven minutes,” he heard Travis whisper to himself.

 

Jared felt a surge of hope come through him, seven minutes until the cops come. They’d be saved. And then the hope was gone. The police can’t risk another death so they couldn’t barge in their. They’d have to come to an agreement with the shooters. Unintentionally, Jared groaned out loud.

 

Travis looked up, “What, you’re too impatient for your death?”

 

Jared froze as he truly took in what was going to happen. He was going to die. Oh god.

 

Travis smiled, “I’m an Atheist. I don’t believe God exists,” he paused taking in Jared’s pale form and continued, “et tu?”

 

Jared knew Travis was in his french class but did he really have to speak in french to him? Jared’s mind could barely process the english coming out of his mouth and he had the audacity to switch languages. Quickly, though, all anger vanished as fear took it’s place once again.

 

He quickly tried to remember the exact words Travis had said, “I’m an Atheist,” Jared found himself saying, “I don’t believe God exists”.

 

He felt his mouth go dry. Wasn’t he contradicting what he told Evan? Didn’t he have to fight for what he thought was right?

 

Travis slowly put the gun down and Jared looked at Evan. Evan was staring at what came out of Jared’s mouth in shock. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Connor trying to open a box. Trying to make himself less suspicious, he let out a small whimper.

 

Travis seemed satisfied, “Correct,” he said out loud, “You guys should realize that I don’t want to obey me, I want you to be me. And he has become me,” Travis pointed at Jared with something akin to happiness in his eyes.

 

But all Jared felt was shame. He had been Jewish his whole life and he just threw that away to make some shooter happy? He felt sick. He felt like when he was a child and his mother would put soap in his mouth every time he cursed. He felt like he needed to cleanse himself.

 

“For eighteen years,” Jared started, watching everyone’s attention focus on him, “For eighteen years, I’ve been Jewish. And like hell i’m throwing away my faith just because a guns pointed at my face,” he turned to the crowded this time, “You can be yourself, you don’t have to be forced to be anyone else”.

 

Travis’s hands were shaking in anger as he brought the gun up, “You think you can just play the hero and everyone’s saved all of a sudden? That’s not how it works, pa-” Jared interrupted him.

 

“You’re going to go to jail the longest, Travis” Jared watched Travis furrow his eyebrows in confusion, “Because your two little friends” he put air quotation on them “ Haven’t killed anybody yet and you’ve killed a lot” he pointed to the bodies littering the floor.

 

He watched Travis pale and panic slightly before calming himself down, “You’re lying” he spoke lowly, “You’re all lying,” he screamed out loud.

 

Jared flinched at the volume of his voice and took a step back. But it didn’t seem like Travis was done. Every time Jared stepped back, he’d step forward. This continued until Jared was against the wall. 

 

Travis also seemed to notice this as he gripped Jared by the throat, emitting an alarmed squeak from the boy. Jared felt his airway tighten up as he choked. “It’s all your fault i’m like this,” Travis growled, “People like you think only of themselves. People like you should die with your guilt choking you. People like you shouldn’t exist.”

 

Jared felt black spots enter his vision as he desperately tried to claw the hand from his throat. His lungs begged for air, feeling as if they’d burst any second. He didn’t know what would happen if he died. Where would he go?

 

_ Probably Hell. _

 

After all, it was his fault people would have to resort to this. He felt so guilty. Maybe he did deserve to die this way?  How would he be able to live with the betrayed stares of his friends, calling him trash for what he used to do to people?

 

As his last breath neared him, he tried to conjure up anything to take his failing mind from his impending doom.

 

_ “Excuse me?” Jared exclaimed. “The moon landing was totally fake”. _

 

_ Alana looked unconvinced, “Then what about the video taken by NASA?” _

 

_ Jared shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, greenscreen?” _

 

_ Connor snorted, “That is the lamest fucking thing i’ve ever heard, Kleinman.” _

 

_ Evan nodded towards Connor, smiling appreciatively, “See Jared? Sometimes what you s-” he was cut off _

 

_ “If you want valid evidence contradicting that  the moon landing was real, think about this,” Connor ignored Evan’s groan and betrayed look and continued, “Neil A. backwards is....” _

 

_ “Aliens,” Jared whispered quietly, coming to an conclusion. Connor nodded and sat back on the couch, proud of himself. _

 

_ “You guys are unbelievable,” Evan said, looking in between them. He was going to continue but the doorbell rang. Alana and him shot up. _

 

_ “That must be Zoe!” Alana grinned, walking out of the room with Evan on her heel. That left Jared and Connor alone in the room. _

 

_ Jared felt awkward and fidgeted uncomfortably on the couch. Connor was just staring at him without moving. “Are we friends?” Jared asked, looking down at his lap. _

 

_ Connor didn’t speak. This went on for a few more seconds until Jared heard a sigh and the couch he was sitting on dip slightly. “I don’t know,” Connor said, “I never really wanted to be your friend, you know? It’s just that i just wanted to deal with you for Evan” _

 

_ Jared found himself nodding. He knew that he treated Evan like shit through High School but he wanted a chance to make it up. “I want to redeem myself,” Jared finally spoke, “I don’t want to be known as that kid who would give up his friend at the first chance of popularity”. _

 

_ Connor looked at Jared with wide eyes, “I want to redeem myself too,” Jared looked up at Connor “So i guess i’ll give this friendship thing a try.” _

 

_ “Yeah, i guess” Jared continued to stare at Connor until a cough sounded from the doorway. They both snapped their attention to Zoe staring at them weirdly and Evan looking away, blushing. _

 

_ “We leave you alone for a few minutes and you're looking like you're reciting a scene from a Korean Drama,” Alana fussed, narrowing her eyes at them. _

 

_ Jared flushed, jumping away from Connor, “Nothing like that happened, i swear!” he yelled. _

 

_ Connor just stared back at Alana without flinching, “So what if we were?” _

 

_ “Connor!” _

 

On the edges of passing out and most likely dying, the hand enclosed around his throat let go. A breathe of air quickly found it’s way into his lungs as he hacked. He didn’t pay attention to anything else but breathing. Slowly, his  blurred vision returned (he glasses must have fallen somewhere) but with it a pounding headache arrived.

 

He also felt very lightheaded. Everytime he moved, nausea would build up in his stomach. But he forced himself to survey what was happening. All he could think of was chaos. The gym was in complete chaos. Granted that he could only make out where the people were and not who they were, it was still progress.

 

He tried to inch closer to the side of the gym and he found himself trip over something. His glasses. Happily, he cleaned his glasses on his shirt and hurriedly put them on.

 

When he would look back to this scene, he would think to himself. Is god fucking with me right now. Because right as he wore his glasses, before he could even see what was happening, he saw Zoe’s terrified face.

 

He didn’t hear the bullet. All the sounds around him were too loud. His head was too loud. But he did feel the pain as the bullet tore through his right shoulder. He could hear somebody screaming. He could hear himself screaming. 

 

He could see the blood on his hands. He could see the blood on his shoulder. He could the blood on Zoe’s leg. He could see the blood on the gym floor. He could see the blood on the walls. He could see the ceiling as his mind painted it with blood. 

 

Blood. Blood.  _ Blood. _

 

Then he saw no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos (figuratively) to whoever can guess who the next chapter is going to be about.


	6. TRAVIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandler's a bitch, and Brian wants everyone to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay read the end note please.   
> This story is not finished yet. I have about two or three more chapters left (most likely two).

Despite what most people would believe, shooting up a school was not the first thing on Travis’s to-do list. It was actually to have a healthy breakfast. Because without food in your stomach, you won’t be energized for the day. And Travis had PE first, so he had to be energized.

 

His breakfast consisted of a slice of cookie cake, in which he dumped all the frosting into the trash because it’s just not healthy. He also didn’t want to see the nagging bright yellow frosting that said ‘Happy Birthday Travis’.

 

He didn’t know why his mom would buy him a cake all of a sudden. It’s not like he had anyone to share it with and it's not like she was ever present to give him a present. Haha. He mentally scolded himself on his lame jokes.No one wanted to hear them anyways.

 

After drinking some slim milk, because normal milk is just not healthy enough, he decided that he would go to school that day. Since he didn’t have a car, he decided to take the bus. As he did everyday.

 

You see, his day was going pretty well. He hadn’t smoked or gotten high, and his nicotine patches weren’t annoying him as usual. But then Chandler had to show up with three guns, and present the idea of saying goodbye to a bunch of people.

 

But Travis wasn’t up for it. Chandler had always been this way. Acting impulsively and recklessly. Travis despised him for it. After all Chandler was the one to introduce him to drugs and anger issues. And he secretly hated him for it.

So Chandler spent a few more minutes coaxing Travis until he finally took the gun and stuffed it into his pocket. It’s not like he was going to actually hurt anybody. His mother had always told him that it was better to himself than to hurt others. And even though she sucks at parenting, she was still his mother.

 

Brian had agreed to take the gun with no hesitation. His explanation was that he ‘hated this hellhole and it deserves what it’s getting’. After that, they all went their separate ways. 

 

Travis took out his phone right when the two boys left and documented everything. Hell, if he was going to die at least everyone would know the truth, right?

 

He never meant to knock the coach unconscious. But Chandler was hesitant and Travis was angry because hell, Chandler if you were too chicken why’d you bring a gun to school anyways. So he took his anger out on the Coach.

 

He felt guilty afterwards. But then he killed a person. And another. And the hell seemed like it would never stop. So when the stupid Jared kid told him he would go to jail, he realized. He realized he just fucked his life.

 

So out of fear and anger and sadness, he choked the boy hoping his problems would go away with it. He didn’t want anyone to be like him. Be a monster. He just wanted someone to know him. The real him.

 

But then the pain in his arm made him realize that he was hurting others rather than hurting himself. He looked to the ground to see what hit him. A crochet ball. He turned and saw Connor Murphy standing up with another one in his hands.

 

“If you fucking hurt him,” Connor threatened, “I’ll make sure one of these smashes your skull,”

 

Travis’s eyes widened. When did Travis get so powerless? He was so full of control moments ago. But he didn’t want power. Power turned him into a weird creature he didn’t even know himself. He looked around for a moment and stared at the dead bodies around him.

 

He didn’t feel angry anymore. He just felt drained, “Did I do this?” he whispered out loud.

 

He feel to his knees and touched the body of the first person he killed. Did he just ruin this kids future? No.No.No.No.

 

“I didn’t want this!” Travis screamed, voice hoarse, “I didn’t want to fucking ruin kid’s futures, Chandler!” The whole gym was quiet.

 

Connor’s sister, Travis didn’t know her name, broke it, “Was Chandler the one who set this up?” her voice was small and shaky.

 

Travis stared at her but she didn’t flinch. He threw the gun to the ground and stood up. “I’m done with this Chandler. I’m done with you fucking manipulating me into these situations!”

 

Chandler scowled, “So i’m the bad guy now, Travis? At least I didn’t kill people,”

 

“Because you were too much of a coward to do it yourself,” Connor’s sister said. She opened her mouth to continue but Chandler was shaking,

 

“He’s the bad guy!” Chandler pointed at Travis, “He killed and i didn’t… I …” he paused, clearly trying to express his thoughts in a clear statement.

 

Brian also seemed sad, “Yeah, Chandler, I’m done. Vandalizing a school? Sure. But killing people?” He took a step back from the bodies, shaking.

 

Chandler was surprised, “Brian? What are you saying? We’re in together, right?”

 

Travis rolled his eyes. Now Chandler was playing the victim card. Or course. Brian didn’t seem to be falling for it either, “I mean… I was up for it,” Brian shifted his feet, “Unitl you started blowing kid’s brains out.”

 

“Me?” Chandler yelled, and pointed his gun at Travis, “Can’t you see that he clearly went crazy and killed a bunch of people?”

 

“Yeah I can,” Brian started, “But think about this: If a puppeteer is controlling a puppet and telling it to do things, It’s still the puppeteer’s fault.”

 

Chandler paled, “So you’re saying that I controlled Travis and made him do this,” he scoffed, “ It’s not like Travis can’t say no to me.”

 

Brain, though, seemed to be on a role, “ You switched his Topamax with Advil in hopes that he’d eventually go crazy under paranoia and guilt. You wanted him to do the dirty jobs,”

 

Travis froze, his hands immediately going to his pockets. He would admit that the pills didn’t look like how they usually did, and he felt a bit tired after taking them, but he thought it had worked. Then he felt angry. Red filled his vision as he clenched his fist. Of course. His only friends were plotting against him behind his back.

 

_ It’s better to hurt yourself than to hurt others. It's better to hurt yourself than to hurt others. It’s better to hurt yourself. _

 

When Travis came to, his nails had dug so far into his skin that they were bleeding quite a lot. He felt numb and exhausted. Like he couldn’t feel any emotions anymore. All he wanted to do was to go hug his therapist because her hugs were so warm. He wanted her to smile at him, congratulating him on getting better. He wanted to go back to this morning so he could flip Chandler off, and deny ever wanting to do this. 

 

Travis just wished he was strong. He was strong enough to feel his own feelings. Strong enough to say no to people. Strong enough not to believe that he pathetic, or that every time he took him medicine he wouldn’t feel like he was gaining weight.

 

He wanted to be strong enough that he didn’t feel obliged to count how many calories are in his food. Strong enough to admit to someone that the only reason he started smoking was to get rid of the hunger pains in his stomach.

 

But he wasn’t strong. He was just a mentally fucked up kid without his medication and a gun in his hand, against people who didn’t do anything to him. Which was the problem. Nobody did anything. He couldn’t trust anyone because who really cared about him? 

 

“Of course i made him do the dirty jobs!” Chandler finally broke out, “Nobody puts a mentally fucked up kid in jail. No, they stick him in a psych ward. So what if i made him go crazy, isn’t that what his kind are supposed to do?”

 

Travis wanted to tell them to get their asses out of the gym if they wanted to live because in less than three minutes, the cops would be here, but maybe a little part of him wanted them to be defeated. To feel the fear he did. So he didn’t warn them.

 

“He was getting better!” Brian said, defending Travis, “He actually had a future. But you decided that since he had a mental illness, he doesn’t deserve one?” Brian looked disgusted.

 

“Who the fuck cares if he was getting better. He’ll practically do anything I say because i'm his friend,” Chandler put air quotations around friend.

 

“No, you’re a coward,” Brian whispered, standing up straighter.

 

Travis flinched when the gunshot rang out. He felt this familiar emotion- fear- when Brian hit the ground, blood sprayed from his neck everywhere. He didn’t know how the tables could turn so quickly.

 

Chandler wiped blood off his cheek, “Asshole fucking knew too much,” he grunted, staring at his ‘friend’s’ dead body.

 

Chandler turned and shot at Connor’s sister next. The bullet was aimed slightly off from her waist and landed in her leg. Travis tried to block out her screaming. To block out the fact that this was actually happening and a few minutes ago it was him shooting people and saying stuff like this.

 

“Of course!” Chandler screamed, kicking a pair of glasses to a random corner, “Brian said too much, and now you all know,” he thought for a moment. “Easy, i’ll just kill you all and then kill myself. Then that’ll only leave Travis so everybody would think he did it. Nobody’ll take his word. His heads fucked up anyways.” he looked proud of himself, “Brill-”

 

A groan made Chandler quiet down. Martha, or was it Maria, was pale as she lost more blood. Travis saw what he did to her and felt sick. You could only blame mental illness for so much.And then, before his eyes, Chandler shot Maria in the chest, stopping her blood flow.

 

He could hear somebody crying, and other people screaming. If he were to die, would people treat him like that? Would people even care?

 

“Dumb bitch interrupting me in the middle of my speech,” Chandler grimaced, watching her die in front of him.

 

“Ugh!” Chandler screamed, “Why can’t anything go my way?” He brought up his gun and fired randomly aiming to hurt as much of people as he could. Travis fell to the ground, scooting back towards the people. He found his way next to a boy with a polo shirt and remembered him. The guy who saved Katy. 

 

He seemed to be in the middle of running for his life but Travis pushed both of his shoulders down. “Okay genius, hit him with those hard crochet balls. If one of them hit his face, he should be gravely injured,”

 

The boy looked at him suspiciously, “Why are you helping me?” he asked, stuttering half of the words. 

 

“It’s just,” Travis sighed, “I killed people, okay? I never wanted to but i did. And no BPD is going to suddenly change that. So, sure, i’m a bad guy but not the one we need to get rid of now.”

 

The boy mumbled something then repeated it louder, “D-don’t judge a b-book by it’s c-cover,” he shifted uncomfortably, “That’s what Katy told me so, uh, i-i’m not g-gonna judge y-you un-until you’ve d-done something r-really ba-bad,” he paused looking at the dead bodies, “In the r-right state o-of m-mind,”

 

Travis suddenly remembers the talk he had with Alana Beck at this sophomore party. He remembers her saying those exact words. And he feels light. This kid wasn’t half bad. “Yeah,um, thanks by the way,” he clarified his last statement, “For giving Katy time to run and get help.”

 

The boy said nothing. He reached towards a box and handed Travis two crochet balls. Travis slightly smiled ironically. Who knew he was going to spend the end of PE with actual sports equipment.

 

Travis didn’t see what happened behind him but the whole gym suddenly went quiet. He heard a sudden scream of a girl, and looked back, seeing Jared clutching his shoulder in agony. Jared started screaming loudly, writhing i pain. Soon he crumbled to the ground, and passed out.

 

Nobody moved. Everybody seemed frozen. Travis saw Alana run to him at the corner of his eyes. She seemed so focused on getting to Jared that she didn’t see the gun aimed at her. Travis saw Connor Murphy pale and scream something at her but she didn’t seem to hear what he had said.

 

Travis saw his gun gleaming in the light on the floor. He could kill Chandler but hadn’t he hurt enough people. From the distance he could hear sirens. It was over. He’d go to jail with Chandler and destroy his future.

 

But, Alana? She still had a life. She was valedictorian, for goodness sake’s. She tried so hard to be perfect so people would like her. And who was he to destroy it. Hadn’t he destroyed enough?

 

So he ran. He ran towards Alana in a split second decision. For the first time in his life, everything was slow. Chandler fired the bullet right as Travis tackled Alana to the ground. She was surprised obviously, if her screaming was anything to do with it. But he wasn’t focused on that. He saw blood. Did Alana get hurt?

 

It took him a few moments to realize he had gotten hurt as he shakily stood. The bullet tore through the side of his stomach, bringing a wave of uncomfortable heat with it. His side felt like it was burning, as if raw heat had licked his skin.

 

He could say that the pain stayed but it didn’t. After a few seconds, it dulled into numbness. Travis never experienced something like this so he didn’t know if this was supposed to happen or not. He listened to the sirens get closer as he took shaky steps forward. Blood was painfully finding it’s way out of his mouth, alerting him that he had injured something internally.

 

Alana grasped his arm in shock but he brushed it off, noticing everyone’s attention on him. Even Chandler had stopped shooting, watching the scene in worry. Probably because his ‘master plan’ was ruined.

 

“Isn’t this what you all wanted?” the question wasn’t meant to be rhetorical but no one answered. He wanted at least one person to miss him, to say no. But he was a monster, and monsters don’t get anything good.

 

His legs suddenly gave out on him, as he heard car doors slamming from outside. “Happy Birthday to me,” He croaked out, laying on the gym floor, bleeding to death.

 

Before he gave up, before the darkness hugged him tightly and enveloped him, before the darkness took his senses away, he heard someone whisper, “Happy Birthday”

 

And maybe they did it out of pity, he would never know. But he still felt lighter than ever, happier than ever, when he gave his final breath.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Travis has BPD. And while i don't want to make him killing people totally based on mental disorders, it did have a huge part on why he did what he did. Also, on a more realistic note, most school shootings are incorporated my mentally ill people. So while Travis doesn't automatically have a pass, it does explain some things. The medication used for BPD is either Topamax or Lamictal. Lamictal has some side effects that includes weight gain at an extreme rate. Travis used to take Lamictal but switched to Topamax after he gained a lot of weight. He was very sensitive about his body afterwards which is why I hinted at Anorexia in one of the paragraphs. Um also Chandler's a bitch. really. I hate him. I made him up but i still hate him.
> 
> So Travis's dead. That happened.


End file.
